gagglefrak - comic books, science fiction, faux profanity

“Ahem. We have to go to war now. Please stop that.” - Dracula to Xander & Renee

“That is, in fact, a giant Godzilla woman wreaking havoc on your minions.” - Buffy to Toru

This issue is brutal on the first page, brutal on the last page, and brutal right in the middle. Granted, the brutality in the middle is aimed at a soul-less vampire who was about to kill what he believes to be a helpless school girl, but still … the cold ease with which the Scoobies dispose of the “Vamp in the Box” shows us that they understand just how serious things are. As Buffy herself says in the lead-in to the next scene, “This is war.” The stakes of which are the powers of every Slayer, and consequently, the power those Slayers need to fight the forces of Twilight. Continue Reading »

“For the record, I’ve never worn manservant bloomers.” - Xander to Renee

Who knew Dracula was such a racist? I guess it makes sense — he didn’t exactly grow up in the most politically correct of times. Regardless, the bromance overtures between he and Xander with Renee watching on were priceless. And the casting of a tiny purple Peter Lorre in the role of Dracula’s new manservant was both bizarre and inspired.

Turns out that Dracula, while drinking rubbing alcohol in Tibet, gambled away his secret powers to some Japanese vampires while playing Chinese dominoes, all for the sake of a motorcycle. As if that premise isn’t ludicrously brilliant in and of itself, we know from Andrew’s (hilarious) scene that it was Xander himself who taught Dracula how to ride a motorbike in the first place, thus setting him up for that particular fall. Continue Reading »

“Oh, hi Buffy. Hi nude Asian girl.” - Andrew to Buffy/Satsu

Let’s cut to the chase, shall we? Four pages into “Wolves at the Gate, Part 1,” (a.k.a. Issue #12) we find Buffy in bed in with Satsu, both of them naked. And yes, it’s exactly what it looks like. Buffy has entered Willow territory. Which in this case makes her the WORST BOSS EVER. Especially since she spent all of the previous issue insisting to Satsu that she should NOT be in love with her, and that such feelings could only end badly. But if we’ve learned anything about Buffy over the years, it’s that she fully embraces her role as a master of mixed messages and the queen of failing to consider how her actions might adversely affect others, emotionally or physically.

Having said that, it certainly made for a most shocking splash page, no? And in true Whedon fashion, a hilarious turn of events as well. No sooner does Buffy finish telling Satsu that she should exercise discretion, Xander bursts into the room, then his new squeeze (slayerette Renee), then a groggy Andrew. Then Dawn peeks in through the window. Then Willow crashes through the ceiling, finally offering Buffy a needed diversion … Continue Reading »

“Go ahead. Church me. Plenty more where I came from.” - Buffy to Twilight

Issue # 11, “A Beautiful Sunset” is another story written by Whedon himself. We finally get confirmation of whose “true love kiss” woke Buffy out of that sleeping spell back in issue #4. And the winner is … Satsu, the Asian slayerette who is currently the strongest of the Scrappy Doo pack. If you were paying attention, of course, you already knew this; there was a whole cinnamon lip gloss detail that kind of gave it away. But as Buffy takes her out for some one-on-one training, she confronts Satsu on the matter, and tries to impress upon her that historically, falling in love with Buffy is a lethal proposition. As if to prove this, while on rounds, they are attacked by this season’s Big Bad himself, Twilight.

Twilight fights well, lifts heavy things, flies, lifts and throws heavy things while flying, and all in all seems to have a Superman level of power. He knocks Satsu out, then toys with Buffy for a while, both physically and mentally. You definitely get the impression that if he wanted to kill Buffy, he could. But as he later points out, “That’s been done. To little effect.” His plan instead is to demoralize her, “to strip her of her greatest armor … her moral certainty,” by convincing her that creating so many new slayers has not improved the world, and is more likely hurting it. It’s a concern that Buffy already has — that for every good slayer they train, the rogue ones create even more problems — so his words end up having exactly the effect he’d hope for, nudging Buffy into a nihilistic funk.

“It’s too dangerous! We can ski down these crazy Alps in the morning, but till then, television’s Tina Fey … we must find a way to keep warm.” - Willow to Tina Fey

Issue #10 is an extra long stand-alone story penned by Whedon himself, titled “Anywhere But Here”. The focus has shifted away from Faith and Giles, and back to the core players. Buffy and Willow are off on a mission to enlist the aid of a powerful demon against the threat of Twilight, while Xander and Dawn have some quiet time back at the castle. The overall theme, as reiterated over and over by Sephrilian — a big wormy-looking Tichajt demon with huge teeth, arms, and four faces, who exists in some kind of warped time/space bubble — is that humans are big fat liars who hide things even from the ones they’re most close to. And the Scooby Gang is no exception.

Willow learns that Buffy and the Slayerettes robbed a Swiss bank to acquire the funds they currently use to keep the world safe from demons, which Willow considers the “first domino” in the New Initiative War. Buffy learns that Willow had sex with a mermaid. Xander learns that Dawn did not actually have sex with her thricewise ex-boyfriend, but rather with his roommate — a broody, cigarette-smoking, guitar-playing “bad boy” — and that this is why she was giant-ized. We see a future glimpse of Buffy beaten and bruised, and are told that somebody close to her will betray her. Continue Reading »