Heroes: Four Months Ago

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Okay, so we’re back in time again, 4 months ago. (Although it’s really more like 6 months ago for us.) Remember how crazy things were crazy back then? The war in Iraq was still in full swing, Kanye West was tearing up the music charts, Britney Spears was being accused of child neglect, teenagers were always pissing their parents off, and the weather was doing some weird unseasonable shit or another, wasn’t it? Good times. Seems like just yesterday.

After last season’s finale, Nathan gets burned up while flying Radioactive Peter up into the stratosphere. Peter explodes, then takes Nathan to a hospital, where he (Peter) is promptly captured by Bob & Elle, who take him back to The Company and convince him to be locked up. Over the new few months, Elle brings Peter some power-dampening pills every day, and exhibits some shockingly bad behavior. (See what I did there?) Peter’s next-cell neighbor is (of course) Adam, and because nobody thought to soundproof the cells or monitor them in any way, Adam is able to convince Peter to escape. Which they do, using D.L.’s phasing power.

Back at the hospital, Nathan is still looking a bit extra-crispy, while Mama Petrelli convinces his wife that he’s delusional, all the while touching and stroking her in a creepy way. Which leads Freakgirl and I to think we’ve finally figured out what her power is — persuasion, by way of touch. Think about how touchy-feely she is, how she convinced Claire to go to Paris, how she ran Nathan’s campaign from behind the scenes, and how in the future, she grabbed Peter by the face and suddenly he was able to heal some of his memory loss. Makes sense, right? Anyway, Peter and Adam show up, give Nathan some of Adam’s super blood, and not only do Nathan’s burns heal completely, but his hair follicles also become so supercharged that he grows a 6-month beard in only a few short weeks.

Down in Central America, everybody is all, “Arriba, arriba! Alejandro eez getting married!”, but Maya is all, “Weddeengs make me cry,” and she ends up crying the entire wedding party to death, and afterward she’s all, “Ay dios mia, soy la meurte!” and Alejandro is all, “Que?” and she’s all, “MEURTE!” and he’s all, “Que?” and she’s all, “Es usted estupido? Muerte! Muerte!” and he’s all, “Que?” and when she runs away to become a nun, Alejandro turns her into the cops, she cries again to save herself, and thus begins their 5 year mission to reach the United States. Even having seen their flashback, I still really don’t care about them — I would rather have seen Sylar’s story.

Hey, did I mention that it turns out D.L. didn’t die from his wounds after the season finale? Well, he didn’t. Instead, he went on to become a better husband, a better father, a fireman, and an actual hero … just so that Gina, Niki’s new whore personality, could skip off to Los Angeles to party. D.L. goes there, finds her, and before he can bring her home, some sleazy douchebag in a nightclub shoots him in the back. Which is the point when Niki decides to give herself over to The Company. Which makes the ubiquitous Bob very happy.

Back to Peter and Adam … after they heal Nathan, they’re leaving the hospital, and Elle and the Haitian get the drop on them. They’re forced to split up, and Adam gets away. But the Haitian snags Peter, takes his shirt off him, handcuffs him inside a shipping container, and wipes his memory to give him a fresh start, apparently as payback for some kindness that Mama Petrelli did for him in the past. Peter ends up in Ireland, then Montreal, then The Future, then back in Montreal, gets all of his memory back, and now he and Adam are going to save the world.