Heroes: The Line

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It’s the Heroes moment you’ve all been waiting for … The Juander Twins (not my joke) & Sylar finally cross the border into the United States! Although it’s really not all that exciting. Maya cries the border guards to death, Alejandro gets mad, and Sylar says some creepy shit that Alejandro doesn’t understand. Now begins their 5-year mission to reach New York. Wish them luck!

Claire & West are also back this week, and their heroic mission is to get Claire onto the cheerleading squad, so she can continue using it as a lie to make out with West. But the head cheerleader — let’s call her Bitch — is not a fan of her tryout. Bitch is all, “Next!” and Claire’s all, “What?!” and the brunette girl’s all, “What?!” and Bitch is all, “This is not a democracy, it’s a cheer-ocracy, and I am the cheer-tator!” and Claire is all, “Hey, I love that movie. I was in Bring It On 3,” and Bitch is all, “I know, I saw it, NEXT!!!” and Claire’s all, “Waaahhh!!!” and West is all, “Stop asking about my parents, of course I have parents, why wouldn’t I have parents, you and your parent questions all the time,” and Claire is all, “More me now!” and West is all, “Okay, I have a plan,” and so later that night, Bitch is all, “(glug glug glug) I’m a stereotype!” and West is all, “(whoooosh)” and Claire is all, “Eeek!” and West is all, “Oops,” and Bitch is all, “Peed my pants!” and long story short, Claire gets on the squad, and she and West have a big laugh about it, and brunette girl is all, “Claire, you’re the poo!” And everybody stops to take a big whiff.

Back in time, we see much more action in Hiro’s storyline than we did last week. He and TK rescue the swordsmith, who tells them about Whitebeard’s evil plan to take over the Japanese Empire using guns. Then Hiro accidentally reveals his powers to Yaeko, who realizes she loves him. Aw. TK sees them kissing, feels betrayed, and hands them all over to Whitebeard. So those of you who hate the 1671 storyline better buck up — I don’t think Hiro’s leaving any time soon.

In New York, Suresh trains Monica, and Midas orders him to inject her with an experimental virus that will either take away her powers or kill the entire human race. Suresh can’t bring himself to do it, so he smashes some shit up instead. Midas relents, sending Monica back to New Orleans with a video iPod loaded up with every kind of action she might need to mimic. Which is a cool idea … as long as he didn’t accidentally give her the iPod he uses to watch porn during business trips. Oops! Meanwhile, we get the impression that Midas doesn’t entirely relent, because he assigns Niki to be Suresh’s liaison, the implication being that she’s there to keep him in line.

At one point, Suresh runs across a file with the name “Adam Monroe” on it, and determines that this is who Midas is hunting down. Later in the episode, Peter & Caitlin arrive at the building in Montreal from his painting, and find a note from Adam there, saying that they were right about “The Company”, the world is in danger, and it’s up to them to save it. Sounds familiar. So who the hell is Adam? His name makes me wonder if he’s somehow the first hero? Maybe his power is to be immortal? Anyway, we’re led to believe he was involved with Peter during the summer break, and if so, then I’m sure we’ll find out more about him in the “Four Months Ago” episode coming soon.

And last but not least, over in Russia, Noah’s moral compass is spinning wildly. He visits his (and Claude’s) old mentor, Ivan, also known as Peter Parker’s landlord from the movies and as every other Russian guy in every movie you’ve ever seen. The Haitian keeps wiping away selective important memories until Ivan finally tells them where Isaac’s paintings are — in the warehouse where they first “abducted the Liquid Man” (???). Noah then shoots him dead and burns down the house. Guess it’s a good thing Ivan wasn’t lying to them? Anyway, they find the 8 paintings, and this is the run-down (courtesy of HeroesWiki.com) …

1) Kaito in a pool of blood after being pushed off the roof (CHECK!)
2) Claire lying dead on the steps (CHECK!)
3) Somebody holding a vial of clear liquid (Midas this week? CHECK?)
4) A blonde banging at a metal door (Niki?)
5) A man with a scar (Peter?) looking scared, in a jail cell with somebody else (Adam?)
6) Hiro & Kensei fighting with swords
7) Mohinder with a broken nose, having just fired a gun
8) Noah (or somebody with glasses), shot in the eye, Claire kissing somebody in the background